I know I went off the radar for three weeks (maybe more) but I have a good excuse! I was …lazy. Okay, it isn’t a good excuse, but all the same. I am back! I think part of the reason I disappeared was I fell off the wagon (already, I know! It sucks!) . I had a very bad work day. One of those days where I truly questioned why the hell I would put myself through this for a meager salary.
I should focus on my weight loss and diet and all that, but I need to explain how I fell off the wagon. I recently got a promotion, a huge raise and a lot of stress added to my shoulders. It has not been all glory and riches. In fact, the huge raise put me on salary, taking away my overtime. So I am making less than I was before, actually (It is still beneficial, I swear!). My boss is also NUTS. The day in question was a Friday about two weeks ago. We were nearly two hours from the weekend when he called me and informed me that A) employees from another department (??) are working too much overtime and B) this is entirely my fault.
Lets not focus on the fact that I do not handle the scheduling, I cannot oversee when the guys come and go and I do not have any indication what is too much or too little overtime, seeing as this particular department oversees the completion of client projects. See, in my boss’ eyes, I enter in the payroll, so I control it.
For an hour and a half I sat on the phone with him, listening to him say things like: “How would you like to make 10k less than you do??”, “If you can’t do your job, I will find someone who can!” and such. When I got off the phone I was near tears. When one of my co-workers asked me what was going on, I lost all professional face and dissolved in tears. She was shocked by what I told her, as was my other coworker. Well, on Monday my boss apologized to me. But the damage was done. I had fallen off my diet and fallen into a food = comfort routine.
So for a week I tried to get back on and continued to fall off. It wasn’t until I had realized I was terrified to stand on the scale that I decided I had to get back to it.
Well guys, I am one pound from 20 now! I got back on the horse stronger than ever and am chugging away at my weight loss. I have noticed that my double chin has shrunk since my first round of pictures and the nice black slacks I had bought that I was unable to button the second button (the small one that is hidden in the waist band) are big on me! In fact, I was able to make a fist between the waistband and my stomach!
Patrick and I were talking about my weight battle last night. I asked him if he thought I could lose 100 pounds. He readily agreed. I just have to stay on it. We decided last night that once I lost 35 pounds, we would treat ourselves to a night on the town in the city. A staycation. That is 16 pounds away, I can definitely do that, no problem! Until then, no cheat days.
Speaking of cheat days though, I think you guys will be proud. I was very worried I would break my diet this weekend. On Friday I had pulled some strings and had gathered up all the workers for my company for beers. I had one, that is it! For dinner I had a cheesestick and an apple, wasn’t even hungry thanks to the liquid bread (the beer). Then, on Saturday I was having dinner with my intern, her boyfriend and Patrick. I ordered lettuce wraps, a water and refrained from trying the apps. My meal was delicious and when I weighed myself on Sunday morning, I had actually lost a pound in the last three days! On Sunday, Father’s Day, I was really terrified. My mother and Aunt were prepping for a large barbeque. That means mouth-watering appetizers, beautiful glazed ribs, freshly baked bread, baked potatoes stuffed with green onions,cheese and sour cream and three desserts (including home made ice cream!) .
This has to be my biggest accomplishment , which is funny, I know: I didn’t gain any weight yesterday. I prepped for it. I had a protein shake an hour before the barbeque so I wouldn’t be starving. To prevent bad snacking, I swung by my grocery on the way there and grabbed a bag of cherries as well as some salsa and bean chips. I knew I could have a handful of bean chips for 120 calories. This prevented me from touching the bacon wrapped jalapenos, the cream cheese dip and the other apps that would normally tempt me. I also sat at the table not covered with them. For dinner I had two strips of chicken and the salad I had made. For dessert I had my cherries (plus a bite of ice cream to please my little sister, who had made it with me in mind, aw!) .I was never tempted, I was not sad, I was not disappointed. I had a good meal, was relatively full and all with eating less than 700 calories at the bbq (combined with the 400 calories I had for breakfast and my protein shake snack, I never broke my calorie budget!).
This weekend has shown me I can still go out to eat, go to family get-togethers and even have a beer without breaking my diet. Now, I don’t think I should do it all in one weekend again (simply because it was rather difficult being faced again and again with temptation), but I have the will power to stay on track.
I am back on track, 19 pounds down. I am learning how to eat healthy without alienating myself from the outside world!