Picture Plunge

Picture Plunge

I took the plunge and had Patrick take my pictures yesterday. The verdict? I see no difference. (Cue eyeroll from Patrick, as he did it with every comparison I made). Well, maybe not ‘no’ difference. My back was a little smoother… but that was it.

Seriously, I had no idea I had so many rolls on my back until Patrick took those pictures the first time. I still have just as many, they just aren’t prominent.

Patrick had to sit me down and remind me: This is six weeks in. It is only 22 pounds down. My plan is to get to my first major goal in 2 years. This is only 5-6% of that time. The next pictures (20 pounds from now) there will probably be a bigger difference. I just need to be patient.

It is frustrating though, 20 pounds now seems like nothing. I was really hoping I would see a bit of difference, especially in the tummy area. Instead I am sitting here wondering how my boyfriend gets his arms around me. (Okay, maybe that is a bit dramatic).

Big picture here? I am 18 pounds from 40. That really isn’t that far away. If I continue with my goals of 2 pounds per week, that is only 2 months from now!

My niece or nephew is going to be arriving by December 15th I hear, and after putting a little thought into this… I want to be 215 pounds by that day. That is 35 more pounds in 24 weeks. Following my plan, I should actually lose 48 more pounds by that time (but we are trying to be realistic and there are always slip ups) .

I am ready to be in the 240s. I am sick of the 250s, I feel like I have been here for forever, at least longer than I had anticipated. I wish it was Friday. I made a deal with myself, if I:

A) Walk everyday (9k or more steps)


B) Do not weigh myself until Friday

I can get a pedicure. A treat I don’t normally give myself, it is to get me back up and walking. I think it should be a monthly thing after this though. I am already getting my nails done every two weeks, I can’t afford to get a pedicure all the time as well. Plus my hair… goodness I am high maintenance sometimes…


Love y’all!




The Best Healthy Fried “Rice” Around

The Best Healthy Fried “Rice” Around

My lord, everyone, this recipe has blown me out of the water. I seriously never thought I would be claiming that I actually would prefer this over its junk food counterpart!

This weekend Patrick and I decided to try a substitute for one of our favorite recipes, Fried Rice. We are very much in love with chinese food. Anyone who diets knows it is really hard to get healthy take-out chinese food. So when I stumbled upon the Cauliflower Fried Rice recipe, I didn’t hesitate incorporating it into my weekly meal plan. Specifically the night Patrick and I love to cook together.

Five stars guys! I wish I had pics, but we were sooo hungry, and it really didn’t last long. It did not taste like cauliflower (no offense to cauliflower, I am sure some people love its taste. I do not. ) .

This is an all veggie recipe, but Patrick likes meat so we added a bit of chicken. This is the kind of recipe you could dump your leftover meats from your previous night’s meal. (Can I hear, budget friendly??). What is more, it is quick, I recommend getting all your veggies chopped/grated/pulsed before starting to cook. Even with two people we were a little rushed!

All credit goes to the site I got the recipe from: Eat Yourself Skinny . I will definitely be referencing this site again soon!  This link will take you to the recipe directly, but I copied it here for any lazy people like me.  Notice the calories?? 131 per serving! WOW!

I did make a few changes. We like spicy, so we added a bit more pepper flakes. I also used a bit more of the sauce you make, I think my cauliflower was a bit on the large side so when it looked dry I just whipped up a bit more.

Cauliflower Fried “Rice”

Serves: 4 Servings
  • 1 head cauliflower, chopped into florets
  • 1 small yellow onion, finely chopped
  • ½ cup frozen peas
  • ½ cup carrots, cubed
  • 2 eggs, beaten
  • 1 Tbsp sesame oil
  • ¼ cup low sodium soy sauce
  • 1 Tbsp light brown sugar
  • ⅛ tsp. ground ginger
  • Pinch red pepper flakes
  • 2 Tbsp green onions, chopped
  1. Chop head of cauliflower into florets and place in food processor. Pulse until it starts to resemble rice; set aside.
  2. Heat a large wok (or skillet) over medium heat and drizzle in sesame oil. Add onion, peas and carrots and saute until tender, about 2 minutes.
  3. Meanwhile in a small bowl, whisk together soy sauce, brown sugar, ginger and red pepper flakes; set aside.
  4. Slide veggie mixture to one side of the wok and add in the beaten eggs, scrambling until cooked through and then incorporate with the veggies.
  5. Stir in cauliflower “rice” and pour the soy sauce over top, mixing well. Cook for an additional 3 to 4 minutes, until cauliflower is soft and tender.
  6. Top with green onions, serve and enjoy!
Nutritional Information
Serving Size: 1¼ cup • Calories: 131 • Fat: 6.3 g • Saturated Fat: 1.3 g • Carbs: 13.5 g • Fiber: 3 g • Protein: 6.5 g • Sugars: 7.1 g • WW Points+: 3 • Smart Points: 5
Life Updates

Life Updates

I made my Mother cry this week. It wasn’t malicious. I didn’t yell at her, curse at her or say anything cutting at her. I actually confessed to her about a lot of demons I have kept locked up inside for years.

See, I feel like my current situation started long before I got here. I feel like a lot of my body dysmorphia issues started young. I grew up hearing my mom constantly call herself a fat ass. Saying things like she wasn’t worth it because she was fat, she couldn’t go out in public because she was an embarrassment. She would tell us to never get fat. Sometimes she was laugh while she would beat herself down, but a lot of times it was just so bitter. It rubbed off on me. I don’t blame her, but her actions are mirrored in my own.

A lot of times I think people are judging me out in public, when honestly they probably don’t care about me at all. I will tell Patrick “I can’t sit on your lap, I am going to crush you because of my fat ass.” or “We can’t have a porch swing, I will break it because I am so fat.” or “I love swimming but I can’t wear a swimsuit, I will look like a whale.” . I will look in the mirror and tell myself I will be beautiful if I just lose the weight.

This is a very big issue and I am well aware of it. There is no way I will lose the weight and just accept I am beautiful. I have been hard on myself for so long, that I will need a serious attitude adjustment before I will like my reflection. It is difficult though.

I struggled with being chubby when I was younger. Around ten I started getting a tummy. My breasts came in, giant and it made me feel even bigger. I hated my reflection. What didn’t help was my sister constantly calling me fat, making fun of me because of my weight, telling me I had no friends because of it. It didn’t help that my father would tell me as I cried “Plump, if you just lost the weight, you would be the most beautiful girl in our family.” As if that was a compliment. It didn’t help that as I was slowly being convinced about how fat I was (which I look at pictures and I just wasn’t), that my mom constantly cut herself down because of her weight. If she was worthless fat, than so was I, right?

I gained more weight as I grew up. It wasn’t hard. My family didn’t really teach us healthy habits. My mom and I would go to the grocery store and take a snack break at McDonalds. The snack? The large cup of fries (no, not the large order. The CUP, you know, the large cup they sell for drinks? They used to sell a cup of fries.) . We went out to eat once a week to a mexican food place. We snacked on junk food like homemade popcorn, mac and cheese and all sorts of unhealthy food. My sister never gained weight, I gained plenty. When I could drive, it got worse.  I had access to fast food.

I don’t blame my parents for my weight gain, but I do recognize that I wont be raising my children the same way.

I confessed a lot to my mom this week. When I admitted to her how I treat myself, she broke down sobbing. She apologized, saying she never wanted me to do to myself, what she does to herself. I insisted it wasn’t her fault, but I began to cry. I hate crying. I especially hate crying in front of people. I would rather be the comforter than the comfortee, but we ended up crying in each other’s arms.

One thing I really , really want to be clear (obviously, as I have repeated it several times now). I don’t blame anyone for where I am. I have made my choices. I could have stopped a long time ago, I could have fixed this years back. I have had the freedom and choice since I was young. I didn’t have people shoving bad food down my throat. I chose the unhealthy route. I chose bad food. I chose being heavy. I have to fix the damage my choices have made.

My mother and I have had a tense relationship in the past that has only gotten better since I have moved out. It never had to do with weight, but this seems to have brought us a bit closer. If that is the only silver-lining in this, I will take it. She is an amazing woman.

Weight Loss Update

Weight Loss Update

Well, I am a bit disappointed… and I have no idea why. I shouldn’t be, I know I shouldn’t be. I lost 3 pounds this week, which is over my goal of 2 pounds a week. Maybe because I worked so hard for it, I was hoping for a better outcome, but this is amazing progress! I am hoping writing about it will help.

I think that, perhaps, it is because I really wanted to reach the next tier in my weight, and it didn’t happen. I was one pound away from the 240’s. That just means I will definitely get there this next week, though, right? So I shouldn’t be beating myself up about it. 1 pound away is frustrating, sure, but I am now at 250. That is 22 pounds down! That is amazing!

What is more, I am now only 13 pounds away from the “Staycation”. Patrick and I both really need it too, we have been focusing a lot on work, dieting and his thoughts are constantly on his house (which he is building by hand!).

Speaking of Patrick, he took his belt off the other day when visiting my house to show me how HUGE his shorts are on him. Can anyone join me in my exclamation of “SCREW YOU!” with a simultaneous “I am so PROUD!” ? Seriously, he is barely dieting and is losing weight so fast. It took some egging on, but I got him to pose for a picture. I insisted he didn’t suck in, just that he held his shorts out to show the gap. I want to be able to show him how much he has lost when he reaches his goal. He is already so attractive, I must have an amazing personality!  Right? (kidding, kidding, I am not THAT mean to myself).

I am still refusing cheat days, which kind of sucks. This weekend AGAIN will be filled with temptation. I am seriously sick of being asked out to eat. It is just frustrating because a lot of places offer “salads” and nothing more for a healthy option here. And those salads can be all the way up to 1100 calories! I would rather have a burger! Anyways, my older sister and brother-in-law are coming into town.

Instead of enjoying my shrimp/ cauliflower fried “rice” I planned on making tonight, I will be going out to eat who-knows-where with them. I miss them desperately, but tomorrow I am already going out shopping with her. We already are planning on eating out then, can’t it wait until tomorrow? Unfortunately I couldn’t tell her no when she asked. I love her so much, see her so little… my original plan was to just drop by and catch up before going home, now I am wondering what my options are. I could offer to make a double batch of the rice at my mother’s house? Or maybe I could leave work a bit early, make it at my house and scarf it down… but that sounds impractical.

..MAN, I was REALLY looking forward to that recipe. I have been craving chinese for days! I guess I will make it tomorrow. ( I am definitely pouting, without the shrimp it is only 130 calories for 1 1/4 cups!)

This post is too long. I will write another in just a moment, because I really have more to say.


Back and Better than Ever!

Back and Better than Ever!

Hello All!

I know I went off the radar for three weeks (maybe more) but I have a good excuse! I was …lazy. Okay, it isn’t a good excuse, but all the same. I am back! I think part of the reason I disappeared was I fell off the wagon (already, I know! It sucks!) . I had a very bad work day. One of those days where I truly questioned why the hell I would put myself through this for a meager salary.

I should focus on my weight loss and diet and all that, but I need to explain how I fell off the wagon. I recently got a promotion, a huge raise and a lot of stress added to my shoulders. It has not been all glory and riches. In fact, the huge raise put me on salary, taking away my overtime. So I am making less than I was before, actually (It is still beneficial, I swear!).  My boss is also NUTS. The day in question was a Friday about two weeks ago. We were nearly two hours from the weekend when he called me and informed me that A) employees from another department (??) are working too much overtime and B) this is entirely my fault.

Lets not focus on the fact that I do not handle the scheduling, I cannot oversee when the guys come and go and I do not have any indication what is too much or too little overtime, seeing as this particular department oversees the completion of client projects. See, in my boss’ eyes, I enter in the payroll, so I control it.

For an hour and a half I sat on the phone with him, listening to him say things like: “How would you like to make 10k less than you do??”, “If you can’t do your job, I will find someone who can!” and such. When I got off the phone I was near tears. When one of my co-workers asked me what was going on, I lost all professional face and dissolved in tears. She was shocked by what I told her, as was my other coworker. Well, on Monday my boss apologized to me. But the damage was done. I had fallen off my diet and fallen into a food = comfort routine.

So for a week I tried to get back on and continued to fall off. It wasn’t until I had realized I was terrified to stand on the scale that I decided I had to get back to it.

Well guys, I am one pound from 20 now! I got back on the horse stronger than ever and am chugging away at my weight loss. I have noticed that my double chin has shrunk since my first round of pictures and the nice black slacks I had bought that I was unable to button the second button (the small one that is hidden in the waist band) are big on me! In fact, I was able to make a fist between the waistband and my stomach!

Patrick and I were talking about my weight battle last night. I asked him if he thought I could lose 100 pounds. He readily agreed. I just have to stay on it. We decided last night that once I lost 35 pounds, we would treat ourselves to a night on the town in the city. A staycation. That is 16 pounds away, I can definitely do that, no problem! Until then, no cheat days.

Speaking of cheat days though, I think you guys will be proud. I was very worried I would break my diet this weekend. On Friday I had pulled some strings and had gathered up all the workers for my company for beers. I had one, that is it! For dinner I had a cheesestick and an apple, wasn’t even hungry thanks to the liquid bread (the beer).  Then, on Saturday I was having dinner with my intern, her boyfriend and Patrick. I ordered lettuce wraps, a water and refrained from trying the apps. My meal was delicious and when I weighed myself on Sunday morning, I had actually lost a pound in the last three days! On Sunday, Father’s Day, I was really terrified. My mother and Aunt were prepping for a large barbeque. That means mouth-watering appetizers, beautiful glazed ribs, freshly baked bread, baked potatoes stuffed with green onions,cheese and sour cream and three desserts (including home made ice cream!) .

This has to be my biggest accomplishment , which is funny, I know: I didn’t gain any weight yesterday. I prepped for it. I had a protein shake an hour before the barbeque so I wouldn’t be starving. To prevent bad snacking, I swung by my grocery on the way there and grabbed a bag of cherries as well as some salsa and bean chips. I knew I could have a handful of bean chips for 120 calories. This prevented me from touching the bacon wrapped jalapenos, the cream cheese dip and the other apps that would normally tempt me. I also sat at the table not covered with them. For dinner I had two strips of chicken and the salad I had made. For dessert I had my cherries (plus a bite of ice cream to please my little sister, who had made it with me in mind, aw!) .I was never tempted, I was not sad, I was not disappointed. I had a good meal, was relatively full and all with eating less than 700 calories at the bbq (combined with the 400 calories I had for breakfast and my protein shake snack, I never broke my calorie budget!).

This weekend has shown me I can still go out to eat, go to family get-togethers and even have a beer without breaking my diet. Now, I don’t think I should do it all in one weekend again (simply because it was rather difficult being faced again and again with temptation), but I have the will power to stay on track.



I am back on track, 19 pounds down. I am learning how to eat healthy without alienating myself from the outside world!