Well, I said in my last post that I wouldn’t weigh myself until next week, but let me tell you. After yesterday, I couldn’t fall asleep. I laid in bed with layer after layer of thoughts (does anyone else do this?), worries, panic, anxiety. (I will explain in a minute). Well, I realized I needed to use one of the lessons from WM. I might as well give it a try, right? What was the harm? I live alone, so me talking out loud wouldn’t be weird…
Before I even started to speak, I realized that there was one thing that I DID have control over 100%. That was my diet. Yeah, I ate bad on vacation, and I was letting this thought create an anxiety. That I had RUINED my progress. That I had taken a step backwards. That I would have to fight all week this week and next to fix it! I realized that, I might as well just weigh myself, see where I was and make a game plan. Once I had a game plan, I wouldn’t worry as much, right?
Guys… I didn’t gain any weight!
I didn’t lose any weight either, but I also didn’t gain! I was jumping up and down when I saw that. It made me be able to lay down and really dig into my issues, with at least one just…disappeared.
On to the stress and anxiety filling me.
Work is horrible.
My boss has decided to let go one of my coworker’s. He has informed me I will be doing her work as well. I feel so overwhelmed. So sad. I feel like I failed her. It was really upsetting. I just lay in bed and asked “Why?” because, honestly? I hate my job. I have been miserable before at a job, but I HATE this job. For 858 days I have been at this job. And it sucks.
First, I had to deal with my old boss. She was a bitch. Plain and simple. She cut me down, made me sob, made me think I was stupid. My confidence was destroyed. Then I had to deal with being moved around because NO ONE had anything for me to do! I would ask and be brushed off, get in trouble for doing nothing, then be told to figure it out. Then I started getting into a routine. I busted my butt, changed a few systems… and then things started spiraling. My boss quit. I took her position (from the bottom to the middle, huh?). And ever since the stress just comes in waves. The owner is horrible. He upsets his customers. He upsets his employees. He upsets ME. He has made me cry. He has made me yell. He has made me break!
He doubles my work every other week. He seems to be under the impression that, HEY, why pay THIS employee when Mere could just triple her workload?
I feel like it is time to find a new job, but at the same time, I worked my ASS off this year… shouldn’t that pay off? Shouldn’t there be a light at the end of the tunnel here?
Anyways, gotta go… but I just… yeah… ugh…