246 lbs (26 lbs Lost)

Chest: 52″

Waist: 47.5″

Right Arm: 15″

Left Arm: 15″

Right Thigh: 25″

Left Thigh: 24″

Neck: 16″


212.6 lbs (59.4 lbs lost) 

Chest: 47″ (- 5″)

Waist: 41.5″ (-6″)

Right Arm: 13.5″ (-1.5″)

Left Arm: 13″ (-2″)

Right Thigh: 21.5″ (-3.5″)

Left Thigh: 21″ (-3″)

Neck: 14″ (-2″)

Total Inches Lost (that we know of): 23″

Wow, I really didn’t think there would be such a difference all around. That is amazing!

I have also now lost around 22% of my original body weight.


Let’s Start Running!

Let’s Start Running!

Or, you know, you don’t have to… but I am going to!

I tried jogging a bit last night. Holy crap. Whew. It felt amazing, but it was also pathetic, lmao. It was also random. I have wanted to start jogging for awhile, but I have been afraid to. My excuses were:

  1. My shoes aren’t good enough!
  2. My boobs will knock me out!
  3. I will damage my boobs!
  4. My bra will bruise my rib cage!
  5. People will think I am a joke!

Okay, obviously a lot of them were breast related.

I have recently gotten some really nice shoes, but I have yet to fix the breasts issue. I am tempted to go to torrid and get a bra, but those are expensive and this month I have already surpassed my spending limit on extra items! Seriously, two baby showers and a party for Patrick’s house and cupcakes for WM and two presents for Morgan and shirts and running shoes… aaack!

Going off topic, my birthday is in two weeks. Here is my wishlist:

YMCA Membership- $50 per month (Start up fee as well?)

Torrid Sports Bra – $60

Torrid Sports Bra – $60

Torrid Active Leggings- $60

Torrid Active Zip Hoodie – $60

Back on topic, RUNNING.

I am going to do the couch to 5k program. I am reaaaally looking forward to it. I have decided I am going to try and go at it without a sports bra for now. We will see how that works!

Looking at my schedule, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday will be my “jogging” days. Eventually I will also be squeezing gym days in as well. I don’t know how this will work, unless I miraculously learn how to wake up early so  I can go to the gym on Wednesday mornings.

Here is the link to the program I will be doing:

According to it, by week 9 I will be jogging for 30 minutes straight. BWAHAHA, yeah right! But I will be trying to hit these goals as best I can! So, theoretically, by Thanksgiving (6 weeks in) I should be able to jog for 8 minutes straight. (keep in mind, the longest I could do last night was 54 seconds) . Yeah. So. We will see.


It’s Aliiiive!

It’s Aliiiive!

Or it will be in two hours. I have not charged my fitbit since who knows when. I gave up on walking with the pain in my feet, but no longer! I have bought brand new tennis shoes (Spent more than a pretty penny on them) and I have no excuse not to walk.

I am going to start with 10k a day and go from there. Patrick has asked that I don’t walk after seven, which I can’t really garuntee, but I am definitely going to try. The only day a week I have an excuse not to walk is Wednesday, when I have my whole Women’s group thing.

**I wrote the above yesterday before work exploded, the rest is from today**

I did walk a little over 10k yesterday. My legs were buzzing until I took a hot shower and laid down. It is getting kind of chilly in the evening (surprisingly) and so I really think I need to invest in a light jacket soon.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I weighed myself this morning. I lost 1 more pound, which pulls me up to 59 lbs lost. I am only 1 pound away from 60 (I would dance if I wasn’t so exhausted this morning).

Speaking of how exhausted I was this morning, I forgot to put my ring on. How the hell did I do that when my wedding is on my mind constantly? I don’t know. I am going to text my sister to see if she has ever done that, because I know she must have, so that I feel better about it. My house is NOT around the corner, so there is no way for me to get it before the end of the work day.

I can’t harp on it, I am way too busy today to worry about it.

So last time I took pictures I had lost 50 lbs. I have already decided I wont take anymore pictures until I reach 199 lbs, so 73 lbs lost. I feel like I might as well wait until I am at 197 lbs, 75 lbs lost, but I don’t know if I will want to wait by that time… though, really, it is only 1 more week. The goal is December 2nd- 198 lbs (Technically 73 lbs lost) and December 9th -196 lbs (technically 76 lbs lost).

So confession time, I am getting pretty frustrated with one thing. My stomach. It doesn’t seem to want to shrink in inches. Maybe everything else is, but right now I have only been measuring my tummy regularly. It has been at 43″ since-

Looking through the blog, I have no idea how long I have been 43″, but it feels like forever. I was at 46″ at 32 lbs down. Nearly 30 lbs later, you would think I have lost more inches around my stomach than 3.

I guess I should take my inches measurements this Friday. Ugh. Maybe I will do it at my mom’s house today even.

The fact is, I have goals for my insurance as well. I posted very early on this blog about how my insurance was charging me eighty extra dollars because of my weight. I was told I needed to hit the following marks for the charge to go away:

BMI: 17.5-31.9 (Translation 203 lbs)

Waist: 38″ or lower (Translation 5 more inches)

And a bunch of lab results. I also have been informed that I will basically be punished the rest of my life by this insurance for being fat. Let me explain, I will have to do yearly labs to prove I stay below that weight. While I understand where they are coming from, I know my family (who uses the same company for their insurance), never had to prove they were in the ideal weight range and will never have to. My father will not have to go to the doctor yearly to prove he is in the ideal range. It is frustrating. So, my choices are, pay for expensive labs yearly or find a new insurance when I have lost enough weight.

And at this rate, 1 inch is 10 lbs. Which seems…impossible and improbable. That would mean to get to 38″ I would have to lose another 50 lbs.

I know that inches go down faster when you get to lower weights. Its just, hard to accept that right now.



Weight Updates

Weight Updates

I am going to dive right in, because it is early and I have little patience these days with how exhausted I have been feeling.

I have lost 3 pounds this week, which brings me up to 58 lbs total loss. I am just blown away by this number. I have worked for it, but at the same time I am thinking : “Wait…what?? How??” .

A few things this means:

  • I am closer to my goal weight (170) than my starting weight (272)
  • I am 2 lbs from 60, 15 lbs from 199 (!?!), 44 lbs from my BIG HUGE GOAL
  • I am on track to be in Onderland by December (This is if I continue making smart choices, as my Birthday, two baby showers and Thanksgiving are before that!)
  • My BMI is exactly 33, and I started at 42. I have move down 9 points!

Yesterday I had to go shopping for a baby shower outfit. Since I am hosting two baby showers this month for my sister, I realized that I needed to just bite the bullet and buy two pretty shirts. Both are casual parties, so I am not worried about being fancy! I found that a lot of the shirts were big. Not in the chest, but in the stomach. This is something I have always struggled with, but as I lose more and more weight, it becomes a bigger and bigger problem!

Surprisingly Swift Updates!

Surprisingly Swift Updates!

Well, I said in my last post that I wouldn’t weigh myself until next week, but let me tell you. After yesterday, I couldn’t fall asleep. I laid in bed with layer after layer of thoughts (does anyone else do this?), worries, panic, anxiety. (I will explain in a minute). Well, I realized I needed to use one of the lessons from WM. I might as well give it a try, right? What was the harm? I live alone, so me talking out loud wouldn’t be weird…

Before I even started to speak, I realized that there was one thing that I DID have control over 100%. That was my diet. Yeah, I ate bad on vacation, and I was letting this thought create an anxiety. That I had RUINED my progress. That I had taken a step backwards. That I would have to fight all week this week and next to fix it! I realized that, I might as well just weigh myself, see where I was and make a game plan. Once I had a game plan, I wouldn’t worry as much, right?

Guys… I didn’t gain any weight!

I didn’t lose any weight either, but I also didn’t gain! I was jumping up and down when I saw that. It made me be able to lay down and really dig into my issues, with at least one just…disappeared.

On to the stress and anxiety filling me.

Work is horrible.

My boss has decided to let go one of my coworker’s. He has informed me I will be doing her work as well. I feel so overwhelmed. So sad. I feel like I failed her. It was really upsetting. I just lay in bed and asked “Why?” because, honestly? I hate my job. I have been miserable before at a job, but I HATE this job. For 858 days  I have been at this job. And it sucks.

First, I had to deal with my old boss. She was a bitch. Plain and simple. She cut me down, made me sob, made me think I was stupid. My confidence was destroyed. Then I had to deal with being moved around because NO ONE had anything for me to do! I would ask and be brushed off, get in trouble for doing nothing, then be told to figure it out. Then I started getting into a routine. I busted my butt, changed a few systems… and then things started spiraling. My boss quit. I took her position (from the bottom to the middle, huh?). And ever since the stress just comes in waves. The owner is horrible. He upsets his customers. He upsets his employees. He upsets ME. He has made me cry. He has made me yell. He has made me break!

He doubles my work every other week. He seems to be under the impression that, HEY, why pay THIS employee when Mere could just triple her workload?

I feel like it is time to find a new job, but at the same time, I worked my ASS off this year… shouldn’t that pay off? Shouldn’t there be a light at the end of the tunnel here?

Anyways, gotta go… but I just… yeah… ugh…

Let the Planning COMMENCE!

Let the Planning COMMENCE!


Hell yeah, he proposed! I have a shiny, beautiful ring on my finger, Patrick is officially my fiance and I have been asked exactly 34 times what the date of the wedding will be.

Did I mention he only proposed on Thursday night? I mean, c’mon people… I don’t know! I have barely wrapped my head around the fact that he is now my fiance, not my boyfriend…and you are asking me when we will marry?

I am so overjoyed by this, of course. I mean, I have wanted to be engaged for awhile. I was just so… overwhelmed. I have been staring at my ring like a fool for six days.

I told Patrick that I was so excited, but that I had a list of things I would like us to do before we say “I Do”. I admitted that, while I don’t want to overwhelm him, these things were really important to me.

  1.  I want us to join Financial Peace and take the however-many-weeks course. We already decided his money and my money will become ‘our’ money. He also seems to be under the impression that I will be balancing bills, etc. Since he has trouble balancing everything in his head and I am a little more list/task oriented. I kind of paused, contemplated, then said “Let’s take the classes, then figure out how we will divide those tasks.” because I honestly.don’t. know. if that is the best for us. I am willing, I mean, I have more bills than him and I handle mine fine, but combining is of course worrying.
  2. I want us to start going to Church and to join a church. This one is really important to me. I have been wanting to join a certain church for awhile, but it just seems like the devil is whispering in my head that, since I have been gone for so long, I don’t deserve to go to Church (I do!). That people would question why I was there (they wouldn’t!). Plus, my social anxiety is blaring that being surrounded by people I don’t know is too scary. Despite all that, I KNOW my parents’ and his parents’ marriages are so strong because of their faith. And I would love a social group of people who don’t mock me for my beliefs.
  3. I would like us to join a Life Group. This one is down the line, but it goes with #2. I would like us to surround ourselves with believers and to study the bible.
  4. I would like us to go to pre-marriage counseling. We don’t have any problems. At. All. Seriously, it is almost weird when I look back. The only two I could find have to mainly do with ME, haha. I am a talker, Patrick isn’t. If I think something is wrong, I want to dig it out into the open until its hashed out. Patrick HATES doing that. He would rather just let it go. So, I really would like us to improve how we communicate.

So, anyways. There are those things. Obviously I put a lot of thought into each one. Patrick was willing and happy for all of them, except the Life Group. He is not good in brand new social settings, I suppose. I think it would be good for us, but I would never force him. Of all four, that is the one I would be most willing to throw out or put on the back burner.

I have to get back on my diet. I ate HORRIBLY on my vacation. I had the best intentions, but by the third day it was like, F this. I am eating! So, I know I am bloated and have probably gained weight. Because of this, I wont be weighing myself until next week. (October 7th). According to my goals, I should be at 215 lbs. Seeing as I kind of weighed myself mid-day yesterday and I was closer to 222, we will see. (Is there REALLY any way I gained 5 lbs in 6 days??).

I have decided that I am going to go buy myself a nice pair of tennis shoes. I don’t know when. I was thinking today, but I have Women’s Ministry. So tomorrow? Nope, dinner with Patrick’s family to celebrate. So Friday? Probably note, my mom’s birthday is today.

Oh, and side note, Patrick’s mother seems a whole lot more excited than mine. In my mom’s defense, my step-granddad is in the hospital and my great aunt just broke her femur, my little sister’s show choir is blowing up… but c’mon! Gosh, the middle child shtick is getting old. I am ready for a little bit of attention. My family didn’t even suggest a celebration dinner. Meanwhile, I have my future mother-in-law jumping up and down, claiming she got some champagne and that she wants to hear about the wedding EVERY DAY!

Maybe I should make a group for her, my mom and my sisters on groupme?

Wait! Back to tennis shoes!

So I should go into town and get some tennis shoes, a sport’s bra and some new work-out clothes (that always spurred me to start walking again). I also have decided I will be getting myself contacts for my birthday/celebration of 55 lbs lost. (wish I had my planner in front of me to figure out all this spending :/) .

My mom and Dad have discussed maybe getting me a gym membership. Uhm, hell yeah! For even a month or two would be great! I am about to be a bride, I need to continue to work my ass off!

And Finally… Patrick called his house ‘our’ house. And my heart melted. He was washing these awfully tacky cups at the beach condo that he had bought (after we broke a glass in my hand the previous night. Yup. Group effort.). He asked me if we wanted to keep them. I laughed (thought he was joking) then reaffirmed ‘No’ (when I realized he wasn’t!). This followed:

Patrick: “But we should start our cup collection.”

Me: “I already HAVE a cup collection. Pretty glasses at that.”

Patrick: “We would keep them as souveniers.”

Me: “I don’t have room for them.” *Note, he lives with his parents and has nowhere to keep them since his house is not done being built, so I am still thinking ‘oh god, these are going into my teeny cabinet aren’t they?’

Patrick: “Our house will have room.”

Me: “Your house will have a ton of cabinet space, but it wont be ready for like four months.” *Obviously I misheard Our!

Patrick: “…OUR house. It is most definitely OUR house now.”

Me: *freezes and just stares at him for a moment before tackle kisses him*


So yeah… and somehow… wait… we ended up taking those ugly cups home! He tricked me!

Lmao. Best. Vacation. Ever.



This Week.

This Week.

And when I say this “week”, I mean since Monday the 12th, seeing as I haven’t gotten one day to myself since. And I know mothers out there will say “Uhm, try that everyday.”

Well, I am not a mom. I haven’t taken that step yet. I am going to complain, haha.

Patrick’s grandmother passed away Wednesday. Which was also my first evening for WM. Then Thursday was a play we had promised we would attend, but I had to squeeze a trip to the city to get an outfit for the funeral. Friday was filled of rapid packing. Saturday we drove several hours away to attend the funeral. Sunday we headed home, only for the car to BREAK DOWN in the middle of nowhere. Monday my Grandfather ended up in the hospital, which meant working while stressed/worried, leaving to visit him, then squeezing in a visit to several stores to try and find stuff for the trip. Yesterday I worked, worried about the trip with my grandfather in the hospital, got confirmation that he is going to be okay (thank the LORD), had my nails and feet done, went shopping for cleaning supplies (was running low), cleaned from top to bottom and every little corner of my house and I packed. I got four hours of sleep people. FOUR . Today is my second evening for WM, followed by a nearly midnight trip to the grocery store.

Did I mention my life has been turned upside down?

I honestly cannot wait for tomorrow and not just because it is a trip… but because I will have a second to BREATHE.

Adulthood is hard.

Did I mention that I lost 4 pounds last week? Well if I didn’t, I will reiterate. 4 pounds. I am now 54 pounds down. It is surreal. I hope I don’t slip up during the vacation! The truth is, I am not going for weight loss while away. I am going for stagnation. Because I am going to be drinking. A lot. I miss alcohol so much. And I want some fried food. Not a lot. I am terrified I will make myself sick (You know, other than the hangovers…).

My plan so far is, light breakfast (I will be making eggs and bacon, eggs and sausage, etc.) . Light lunch (I have sandwich stuff I will pack. I am thinking that really, I just need a small sandwich with a good amount of meat). And for dinner? Well we will be going out every evening. I plan on getting good food. One night fried. One night Cajun. Etc. Etc. And you know what? Fuck guilt. Because I haven’t done this in, well, what feels like forever.

That being said,  I don’t want to lose weight, but I also don’t want to gain. And if that means that when I get back, I do a lot of cardio paired with very strict dieting before Friday- well, my vacation is over Monday evening. So okay. Nothing new.

On some very selfish notes:

Patrick’s mother is an amazing woman who told me I was a part of her family when I was at the funeral. It tugged on my heart strings.

No one has been commenting on my most recent weight loss and gosh damn! I bought two new dresses and looked AMAZING when I wore them in the past two weeks… oh well.

I really feel frustrated over how busy my life is right now, and I know I just need to get over it.

I am also very tired of customers chewing me out for things I cannot control. I am a VERY polite person. I am extremely cheery, and I will do anything I can to remedy an issue. And you are cussing me out because of something the owner did? That is like cussing out the cashier at a fast food place because you don’t like the price. The cashier has NO control over that. Fuck you.

And then to my boss. Can you PLEASE stop pissing people off? Like. Right now. If you wouldn’t mind. God damnit.